Okay, not really bats in my belfry. But in my patio umbrella. For the last few weeks I’ve been trying to evict a pair of bats that think my closed patio umbrella is a nice place to live. I don’t mind bats. But I’m not so cool with them in my umbrella. I don’t like bat poop on my table and the surprise of furry little bodies hurling themselves at me in ‘blind as a bat’ panic.

Remember that story about bats getting entangled in your hair? For years I poo-pooed the story. Bats have highly evolved echo-location and don’t run into things–or so I thought. I don’t know how high I would have to wear my hair for a bat to become entangled in it. But they do run into things as I found out the other morning.

I knew the bat was under there–the evidence was on the table. So I crouched down–not so much to avoid the bat, but to peer underneath and make sure the arms of the umbrella didn’t catch its toes as I cranked it up. I did that a few weeks ago and the poor little guy had was stuck for a moment before I could rewind and he could extricate his toe. Okay, yes maybe partially to avoid a close encounter of the bat kind.

From a safe vantage behind the screen door my husband and son jeered, ‘chicken, coward!’. It’s easy to be brave when you aren’t in any danger.

So gingerly I cranked up the umbrella. The bat flew out. Ahhh…gone…I stood up thinking the job done…but no…there was a second bat..Imagine a slightly damp tissue hitting against your face. That’s what it feels like if a bat hits you. As I said, I don’t dislike bats or particularly fear them, but having a bat run into your forehead first thing in the morning doesn’t appeal.

So now when I am reasonably sure the wind won’t carry my patio set to Oz, I leave the umbrella up. Problem solved.

Nooo….of course not!

This weekend we camped. Last night we put the sleeping bags over the deck railing to air. This afternoon I went to put them away; two bats flew out. This is too much. Bats in my sleeping bag! I have no choice. I’m building a belfry. That’ way there’s a place for me, and a place for the bats and never the twain shall meet.

(A belfry is probably more expensive and complicated than I can handle. A bat box would probably suffice.)